Her Secret Corner… Spanking Erotica

It’s no secret I’ve been trying the online dating thing for a while now.   To say I’ve had some outlandish e-mails would be an understatement.

There was the twenty-one year old who likes older women.   I guess if I were so inclined I could teach him a thing or two…   But little boys are not my thing.

How about the one from the “seventy-something” assuring me I should widen my perspective and consider all the fun we might have together…

Or the “Hey Baby” Lotharios who think they’re too cool, and evidently can’t read.   Or at the very least, can’t comprehend the written word.

What part of “No casual encounters…“

Or,  “Please don’t contact me if…“  is so hard to understand?!

I did receive an interesting e-mail recently from a guy who saw my profile, and seems genuinely sincere.    He was polite, articulate– and used spell check.   Always a positive!

He asked me to define what it is I want, relationship wise.

“What would work for you, long-term?”

In a nutshell:  I want real.    I want ordinary, I want everyday.   Dare I say, I’d even welcome mundane.   Because mundane is part of real.

I’m tired of coming home to an empty apartment.   Somewhere in the last year, I turned a corner and realized I’m tired of going it alone.

I’ve done solitary very well, for a very long time.   For several years, I was content with my own company.

My mother’s death was a blow, in more ways than the obvious.   Losing my parents was the one thing I had prayed– consistently– that I would not have to endure by myself.   I just didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it.

The night Mom died, I called my best friend at 3:00 am.   Technically, I wasn’t completely alone, for which I will forever be grateful.

But after the shock faded, I couldn’t help but ponder my life.

My mother died in my stepfather’s arms.   The love they shared was a gift to both.    He adored her.

And he, in turn, was the love of her life.

Her death made me look at relationships with a different perspective.   Coming to terms with the idea of wanting a man in my life has been a struggle.

Why risk angst, all over again?

The answer is simple.   Human beings need connection.   We need each other.   Even in the animal world, companionship makes for contentment.

Having said all that… independence is a focal part of who I am.   I don’t want my wings clipped.   And I have no desire to wield the scissors on anyone else, either.

I want a man with a life of his own, who will respect that I have a life of my own.   The importance of fidelity shouldn’t have to be mentioned– it should be a given.

And I want a new best friend.

(Not to take away from my current best friend– I love her.   But I have no desire to sleep next to her every night!)

I want a man I can lean on, when I need to.  And in turn, I want him to feel he can lean on me, when he needs to.   I want to fill that place for someone, as much as I want my own places filled.

And I want spanking.   Lots and lots of spanking…

This photo screams “Discipline!” to me.  I don’t really care for the position, but it certainly seems like punishment is taking place and not play!

I did have a dream like this.  I actually got out of bed at three in the morning to write it down.

I had a dream one night.

I dreamt of the man I’m longing for.

In my dream, we met.  He told me he’d like to love me… but love is complicated, and tends to bring regret.  We parted, and I found myself wishing I could convince him that I am different.

I have no desire to bring misfortune to his life.  So I wrote him a letter.  Words are often easier to express in writing, rather than speaking.

My desire is to never hurt you.  I can’t promise to never disappoint, or anger you—I am, after all, human.  But during these times, I will willingly bare myself and submit to your correction.  The implements, duration, severity… these are your decisions to make.  My gift of penance to our relationship.

I’ll try to always be everything you think most women are not:  Responsible, frugal, self-sufficient.  I’ll try to be a help to you… in whatever way you need.

My desire is for a bond with you—and only you.  I promise to do my best to understand you, listen to you, and love you.

I need to feel your arms around me, your body over mine, your fingers stroking my hair.

And I need to feel your discipline.

I need to feel your hand warm my bottom.  I need to feel your belt, still warm from your body, sear my skin.  And afterward, I need to feel your soothing touch.  In short, I need you.

My hope is that you will find you need me, too…

Birching pictures are hard to find, so I had to use this one.  The birch is the implement I most fantasize about.

This one appears to be doing a most effective job!

I need this.  It’s hard for me to admit, but right now, I need discipline.

I need a man I can call in the middle of the day and leave a message for.  I need him to be ready to take care of business at the end of the day.

At the moment, I’m following a strict dietary regimen designed to help my health issues.  I’ve always followed a fairly healthy plan—but man!  This is tough…

I need external motivation!

I’ve been bad…

Or, maybe she’s been good?

I’ve explored favorite implements, now how about favorite positions?

Everyone into spanking has a favorite.   For most, it’s the traditional over-the-knee, for some it’s bend over and touch your toes, still others love seeing a female in the corner with red cheeks on display.

For me, I love to see a woman sprawling over the end of a bed, pillows tucked under her tummy to prop her bottom up high.

There is nothing more erotic for me than the sight of a handsome man with his palm flat on the small of a woman’s back when she is in this position.   If he is holding one of my favorite implements in his other hand, so much the better.

And if he happens to be professionally attired, like he just came home from the office… yum!

All right, this post is in response to the multitude of  e-mails I’ve received in the past few weeks.

Many of you have speculated on what has been going on in my life, and others have expressed sadness that I’m not going to write this blog anymore.

Let me clear the confusion:   I will continue to write.   Just for the moment, I don’t want to write anything new, so I’ll be clearing out my drafts folder.   Which means, logging in, hitting “publish,” and logging out.   I need to step away from the fantasy life for a moment; need to concentrate on other things.

Yes– for those who have asked– I did meet someone a while back.   I liked him, respected him and trusted him.   And was probably way too open… more than I ever have been, and more than I intend to be in the future.

One of the things about living a mature adult life is accepting that things don’t always work out the way we hope they will.    Sometimes, we get our feelings hurt.   Sometimes we go through disappointments, or loss, or even failure.

But being a mature adult means picking ourselves up, dusting off and moving forward.

Truthfully, at the moment, I don’t want to keep seeking “the one.”   I want to live my life happy, and content.   Which is what I’m doing.   If Mr. Right happens across my path– fantastic!   I’ll welcome him with open arms.

But if he never shows up?

Life is still fantastic– and tomorrow is never promised.

Everyone– please take care, have a great holiday season, and thanks for the show of caring and concern.   As always, it is very much appreciated.

Cydni

Well, loyal readers, it has been almost two years since I started writing this blog.

Much has happened in my life during that time.

I lost my mom.   Lost my niece.   Moved twice.   Lost pets.   Went through a catastrophic financial meltdown.   Was diagnosed with a serious condition.

Struggled with the dating world and all that goes with it.   Tried to come to grips with what I want, and have always really hoped to find.

Some of us are given certain gifts in this life.   Others get completely different ones.   Likewise, the cross each of us bear is always different from that of our neighbor.

Some people have the happy family, long-lasting marriage… but they’re dirt poor until the day they die.   Someone else manages to acquire wealth beyond the wildest dream… but has four failed marriages, kids that hate and a dog that growls with distrust.

I know which scenario I’d chose, given the choice.   And it doesn’t involve disgruntled dogs.

My situation is neither of these, but I have come to accept that maybe the happy marriage is not my destiny.

Having said that, I have a good life and much that I am grateful for.

But I think the time has come to focus on other things.   Right now, I don’t want to write about spanking.   Or even think about spanking.   It’s just… not happening for me.

In many ways, I’m weary.   So I’m going to take a hiatus.   I have enough thoughts written and saved in drafts that I can post once a week for a few months; most of you won’t even know I’m gone.

Some drafts were written recently but  many are well over a year old, so if you notice a lack of continuity or strange time lines, you know why.

I know myself well enough to know, spanking always is a part of me, no matter how hard I’ve tried to suppress it.   So I won’t be gone forever.

But Cydni– she needs privacy.   I’ve been open here– too much at times.   I feel the need to shelter myself.

Originally, I intended this blog to be about my fiction writing– not about my deepest fears and desires.   I’ve veered off course, fiction-wise, for sometime now.   When I come back, maybe I’ll let the characters speak, if I can figure out how to do that.

After all, it is said that there is usually something of an author to be found within her creations.

To everyone who has been a loyal reader– thank you.

Best wishes for a healthy, happy new year.

Cydni

My nephew is in prison right now.

Not exactly the place you envision an adorable baby ending up, during the times you’re feeding him a bottle or changing his nappies.

But, he made bad choices, took the wrong road, and this is where he has ended up.   Being that the holidays are here, I wrote him a long, heartfelt letter– crying the entire time.

I assured him that he’s young, and this doesn’t have to be the defining moment in his life.   In two years the decisions are again his to make.   I also assured him of the love that surrounds him, as well as throwing out a little “tough” love…

“Grandma would be heartbroken if she could see you now…  Love is a gift… Realize what you really have…”

Since it’s the holidays, I’m feeling a little reflective.   Missing my mom.   Thinking about my niece.   Missing her, too.   Thinking about love and all it entails.

This year, counting my nephew, there will be three missing at the family table.

So much loss makes a person think.   Love is a gift.   If you are lucky enough to have an abundance of it in your life– cherish it.   It’s not always easy to find.

If you are part of a couple who practices this lifestyle, cherish that as well.   For it is definitely not easy to find, or replace if its lost.

My hope for all of you this holiday season is that you have safety, security and stability in your lives.   And spankings, of course!

Lots and lots of spankings…

Happy Holidays!