Her Secret Corner… Spanking Erotica

I see celebrities all the time.   I work in LA and its commonplace to realize that the guy in line at Starbucks who looks like Nick Cage, really is Nick Cage.

These days I’m not starstruck, but it was fun at one time.

My friend and I were talking and she asked me who my favorite was.   Who made my heart beat a little faster?

Two names came to mind, for two entirely different reasons.

Adrien Brody, because he’s hot.   Hot in an odd, Rudolph Valentino way, that can’t quite be explained.   But trust me when I say, he’s got it.

Sidney Poitier.   Not because he’s hot, or sexy.   Because he carries himself as a gentleman.   It’s written all over him– dignity, refinement and a quiet sophistication.

When I was younger, I had the typical Hollywood crushes.   Even today, several names come to mind when discussing fantasy…   Rob Lowe…   Keanu Reeves…   John Stamos…   Patrick Dempsey.

But what I realize is, all these names come to mind only for the superficial.   I look at these men in the way men tend to look at women– because they’re pretty, not because they necessarily offer substance.

Substance.   Not wealth, or fame, or even looks– substance is the all important element.

I was listening to U2 last night, reflecting on the lyrics of “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.   Sex and love is not what this song is about, but still, the words resonated.

Will I ever find it?   Find him?   The man who understands power, and the importance of using it wisely.   Power under control. Now that’s sexy.

I’m looking for the man who gets it.   Understands the dynamic, the responsibility that comes when a woman gives her trust.

For so many men, its nothing more than a game.   For most women, it’s not.   There are usually deep psychological reasons most of us are attracted to this lifestyle.   And so few men are equipped to give us what we really need.

I want a man to come into my life and take control.   I want to be dominated and disciplined.   I want to feel protected and cared for.   I’m just so tired of feeling scared.

But to allow a man that amount of control, there has to be trust.   He has to prove he’s worthy of such loyalty; worthy of such a gift as true submission.

Giving that gift is something I never thought I’d ever really want to do.   Recently it occurred to me that I’ve been alone so long, not because I can’t find Mr. Right, but because I didn’t really want to find Mr. Right.    I still had sorting out to do.

How far do I want to go?   How far do I want to take this lifestyle?   Do I want only play, or real discipline?   And do I want to partake of any other disciplinary methods, besides spanking?

I’ve realized that maybe I want to go deeper than I previously thought, try things I would have said an emphatic NO to a year ago.

I’ve also realized that this only makes finding the right guy even harder.   Because to draw me out will take patience.   I’m still shy.   I’m still reserved.   And I don’t trust easily.

In over a decade of being single, I’ve sparked with two men.   And only one that I wanted this life with.

The positive is, I’m getting to know myself really well.   Its getting easier to find the answers to the previously unanswerable questions.    Hopefully it won’t take another decade before someone comes into my life that I actually want to answer them for.