Her Secret Corner… Spanking Erotica

Well… its been a while.  I haven’t been here in some time.  (Not in a real way, anyway.)  All the posts over the last three months were written long ago, saved in draft, and for whatever reason, I just never published them.

I stepped away from the community sometime in December.  I found myself frustrated and confused, unable to manifest the life I’ve really wanted, and suddenly tired of trying.

I haven’t written anything spanking related for several months, haven’t visited other blogs or watched any videos.  I really felt the need to block anything to do with spanking out of my mind.

My one concession, however, was an impulse buy; a book purchased from Naughty Reads called Different Loving.

(I actually saw the book at Borders one day and flipped through it, but no way was I taking it up to the check stand!)

Different Loving is a psychological look at our world, and all the variances.  It’s not written to be titillating or arousing; to the contrary, it is contemplative, open and enlightening.

I found myself facing questions that I hadn’t wanted to face before.

I’ve always maintained that I am not a submissive woman, and I still think that is basically true.  But I’ve realized I want to want to be submissive, to the right man.   I want the love and strength of the right man to bring the submissive side out of me.

I’ve also realized that a dysfunctional childhood never completely heals.   I’ve done my best to face my demons, lay the ghosts of horrible memories to rest.

Memories never go away, but I feel it is up to us where the control lies.   Do we choose to control them, or allow them to control us?

I’ve had a spanking fetish for as long as I can remember.   Like so many others, it began in early childhood.   But I’ve come to realize that for me, it is somewhat a means of channeling the pain.   Emotional pain into physical, in order to let it go.   The payoff being emotional release, the bonus being sexual arousal.

Having discovered all this, would I change myself, if I could?

No.

I’m proud of who I am, and although its taken many years to get here, I like who I am.

Not having a spanking fetish would make dating easier, to be certain.

But I still wouldn’t change, given the choice.   I’m just fine, exactly the way I am.