Spanking fling?
August 28, 2009
True confession time: I’ve had a fling once in my life. I set out solely with the intention of just having a good time. The man involved was physically attractive to me, but I knew he was not someone I wanted to give my heart to. To do so would only have invited heartbreak.
To some, this is no big deal.
So what? One fling in an entire lifetime? Get with the times, you’re a bit behind!
But for me, I learned a valuable lesson about myself.
I’m not the fling type.
I’ve never felt so empty, than during that time in my life. My “fling” lasted about six weeks. Instead of the fun I thought I’d be having, I was preoccupied with keeping my walls firmly in place.
“No emotion, no emotion,” I repeated like a mantra to myself.
In the end, I just felt vacant. Slightly dirty, like I needed to stand under the shower much longer than would normally be necessary. Only the dirtiness wouldn’t wash away.
So I have to ask myself, would a spanking fling be all that much different?
In the end, would I find any fulfillment? Or end up feeling, once more, vacant?
Is the connection I seek possible, or am I just wishful thinking? Is trust possible? I have proved to myself I can keep the walls firmly in place, but do I want to?
