Limits to compliance?
August 1, 2009
I wonder how many people engage in a fetish (such as spanking) solely to please their partner?
Something someone said recently got my mind whirling…
Is it possible to be comfortable spanking someone, if its not necessarily your thing? And if its not, then is it just going through the motions? And if so, is it satisfying to the person with the kink?
Stepping out of our own personal “box” can be very fulfilling, but I wonder how I’d feel, knowing a man was just spanking me because he was trying to please me?
And what about someone dominate into spanking, who’s with a vanilla partner?
I can’t imagine someone vanilla taking a spanking just to be compliant…
Thoughts?
August 14, 2009 at 8:06 pm
This issue is current with me after a comment by my wife. I/We have been involved with various kinky sex for many years including spanking and some rope bondage. We have gone both ways with this, sometimes giving a birthday spanking, sometimes switching roles during a scene. She has mentioned before that she doesn’t want to hurt me, even though I don’t consider a consensual spanking, or whipping, or more to be hurting someone who wants it within a loving relationship.
The other night, I pulled out some new Japanese rope bondage cuffs. Since she was occupied giving me pleasure, I slipped them on my wrists. When she saw them, she said “I’m really not into that right now”, and I took them off.
Afterwards, she said that she just has a hard time seeing me in a position weakness or not in control, and commented that I probably didn’t think when we got married all those years ago that I would find eventually that she wasn’t into my level of kink.
So, back to your point, she may not be vanilla, but she does spank me only to please me because she knows it pleases me. She admits that she has gotten into receiving for her own pleasure. Granted, I also find pleasure in spanking her.
So, as with many couples, the balance of interest is just not there. I crave so much more, and I suppose I should be happy with what I do have now, which generally is very hot sex when we do have it, even if it is not at my level of kink.
I am reading parts of your blog today for the first time and find it great reading, thank you for sharing.
Bill
August 15, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Hi Bill,
thank you for taking the time to write.
It can be difficult at times to find a balance, but it sounds like you and your wife have a strong relationship.
The internet can provide a good outlet, as well as providing a lot of information. Maybe your wife would be more comfortable if she were to do some research, and explore what’s out there in a safe way?
Best of luck to you both!
Cydni