Her Secret Corner… Spanking Erotica

This week was a time of reflection for me.  It marks the two year anniversary of the passing of my niece.

She was a baby.  A beautiful, strong spirit with her whole life ahead of her.  Losing her made me look at life with entirely new eyes, give things a different perspective– many of which I would never have considered before.

For many months after her death, I was angry.  The death of a child makes no sense; there was no reason I could place that felt worthwhile.

Now, two years out, it is still difficult to understand.  But, I am grateful to her, for the gifts she gave to me.

I am a different person now.  I’ve learned to be much less judgmental, less impatient, more laid-back.

Little things… well, in the whole scheme of life, they often just don’t matter.

I used to feel a certain amount of guilt for the desires I hold.  Many in society would not understand.  Spanking– in an adult, consensual context– is just weird to many.

My “feminist” girlfriends would be appalled.  Women such as myself are taking society back in time, instead of striving to go forward, always forward…

It has taken some hard lessons, but I’ve come to a place where I finally, firmly don’t agree with that thinking.

I’ve accepted that it is a private matter; not the norm for most, but more than okay for those of us who desire it.  I (and women such as myself) are not taking society backwards.  We are just living our lives– truthfully, completely, and in the way in which we choose.

Coming to that place of acceptance– that is a gift all on its own.

Thank you, M,  wherever you are.  Thank you for forcing me to look at the hard things, and start making the hard decisions.  And wherever you are, I know someday, when my time comes, you’ll be waiting for me.

Until then…

True confession time:  I’ve had a fling once in my life.  I set out solely with the intention of just having a good time.  The man involved was physically attractive to me, but I knew he was not someone I wanted to give my heart to.  To do so would only have invited heartbreak.

To some, this is no big deal.

So what?  One fling in an entire lifetime?  Get with the times, you’re a bit behind!

But for me, I learned a valuable lesson about myself.

I’m not the fling type.

I’ve never felt so empty, than during that time in my life.  My “fling” lasted about six weeks.  Instead of the fun I thought I’d be having, I was preoccupied with keeping my walls firmly in place.

“No emotion, no emotion,” I repeated like a mantra to myself.

In the end, I just felt vacant.  Slightly dirty, like I needed to stand under the shower much longer than would normally be necessary.  Only the dirtiness wouldn’t wash away.

So I have to ask myself, would a spanking fling be all that much different?

In the end, would I find any fulfillment?   Or end up feeling, once more, vacant?

Is the connection I seek possible, or am I just wishful thinking?  Is trust possible?  I have proved to myself I can keep the walls firmly in place, but do I want to?

My friend and I (who has also been single for some time) were talking recently.

Her high school sweetheart has reappeared in her life, and I’ve been encouraging her to give him another look.

Our discussion turned to what it takes to make a relationship work, day to day, and what we miss about a man that makes all the effort worthwhile.

I couldn’t tell her the thing I miss most, for it is a deeply held secret.  But I did share a few things, some quite trivial, but still fun.

Sitting on a guy’s lap…  Holding hands… Sleeping snuggled close when the weather is cold… Fingers threaded gently through my hair… Eyes closing in preparation for a kiss…

In a relationship that involves spanking, its the little nuances that make the difference.  Certain things tend to function as trigger points for most of us.  We’re all different, of course, but women do seem to share some commonalities.

Most straight women into spanking are into it for specific reasons.  The idea of a strong, decisive man is a large part of it.  Somehow romance just seems so much hotter with an alpha guy.

But spanking is only  one part.  Small things can build heat between two people.

Fingers fisted into hair can be good– as long as its done correctly.  There has to be a firm grip at the scalp, so it doesn’t hurt, just conveys a sense of command.  Kisses on the eyelids are always good, especially if tears are involved.

And lets talk about tears… 

Its  okay to just let a woman cry, and not try to fix her problem.  A strong shoulder and comforting arms are often all that is required– no words necessary.

A finger under the chin, tipping the face up is hot…

Fingers in the elastic waistband of panties, preparing to pull them down– very hot!

I once saw a scene in a video where the woman was kneeling and the man had one hand cupping a reddened cheek and the other was stretched out, smoothing her hair.

Now that is beyond hot!

(I borrowed this picture from Brambleberry Blush– thanks Carly!)

I know I shouldn’t be shocked at what goes on out there in the world, but sometimes I just can’t help it.

Whilst perusing a site yesterday, I came across a posting for a “professional submissive.”

Okay, most of us have heard of a professional dominatrix.  But a professional submissive?

So I’m wondering at the legalities of such a profession… would the police look at this as the same as prostitution?  Even if (as this ad stated) no sex was involved?

And if it’s not illegal, can you legitimize it somehow?  Imagine filling out tax forms for the IRS…

For J…

Late night chat can often bring up intriguing topics.  Fatigue often loosens tongues, and minds tend to wander.  We tend to explore more deeply than we might otherwise.  Secrets we normally would never share have a way of slipping out.

During one such recent chat the subjects of exclusivity, connection and cheating came up. 

Many people with spanking fetishes are with vanilla partners.  I know from personal experience how frustrating that can be.  But lets say you have a couple that is like-minded.  The husband likes to spank, and the wife likes being spanked.  Is it cheating if the husband spanks another woman?

In my personal life I am rather conservative.  I know what my answer is.  But I’d be interested in hearing from others.  Where do men line up on this?  I can guess where most women will stand, but I have a feeling not all will agree with me.

I have never done the party circuit, and I never will.  That sort of thing is not for me, but I know for others, it is the norm.  So, wives who happily attend such events: Can you watch your husband spank another woman and not feel jealousy?  Can he watch another man spank you, and not feel jealous?

The other side of the coin is exclusivity.  Do most women want an exclusive spanker, even if that spanker is not a lover?  Is exclusivity necessary for a connection to exist?  Is it necessary for emotional happiness?

For myself, I am a very private person.  On the shy side.  Outgoing in my day to day life, but find even talking about the subject of spanking– face to face– rather mortifying!  I know most women in LA don’t blush these days, but there are always exceptions to every rule!

The idea of allowing more than one man to be that close to me is beyond foreign.  So for myself, the concept of connection and exclusivity is a given. 

I tend to compare promiscuous spanking with promiscuous sex.  Sex can be fulfilling, bonding and bring two people closer together.  Or it can be the equivalent of a fun sport– great exercise, feels good, raises endorphins.  But once you’re done you’re looking for the shower and a cool drink.   Wonderful for the physical, not so much for the emotional.

Speaking of promiscuous spanking– is there such a thing?  Even if no sex is involved?

I think of spanking in very intimate terms.  When I read works by other authors, if there are group scenes, I usually won’t finish the story.  Likewise with parent/child scenarios, even if the “child” is an adult.  I tend to think of adult consensual spanking as something with the potential to be even more intimate than sex.

 Where do the rest of you stand?  Is spanking someone else cheating?  Do most women need exclusivity to be happy in a spanking relationship?  And is there such a thing as a promiscuous spanker?

I wonder how many people engage in a fetish (such as spanking) solely to please their partner?

Something someone said recently got my mind whirling…

Is it possible to be comfortable spanking someone, if its not necessarily your thing?  And if its not, then is it just going through the motions?  And if so, is it satisfying to the person with the kink?

Stepping out of our own personal “box” can be very fulfilling, but I wonder how I’d feel, knowing a man was just spanking me because he was trying to please me? 

And what about someone dominate into spanking, who’s with a vanilla partner? 

I can’t imagine someone vanilla taking a spanking just to be compliant…

Thoughts?