Her Secret Corner… Spanking Erotica

Okay, I was very tired when I posted last night, and I feel like I rambled aimlessly a bit– which I tend to do when I’m tired.

But seriously, lets talk about putting ourselves out there.

The death of my niece, and now the death of my mother, are only part of the difficulties I faced during the last twelve months.  I don’t care to elaborate, but I will say those months were the most challenging of my entire life, I’m glad they are over, and I hope never to go through that much, all at once, ever again.

That said, part of me is not so sure this is the right time to try and start dating; emotionally, physically, I’m exhausted.  Add into the mix the fact that I’ve forgotten exactly how to date… not to mention that the dating “scene” has changed dramatically over the last decade.

Why put myself through this?

Good question… I’m afraid I don’t have a good answer, unfortunately.

For all the doubts I harbor, there is still a small, nagging voice in the back of my head saying, “Now is the time.  No more excuses.”  And it just won’t be quiet.

During the last year or two, life was hectic and unbalanced.  Truthfully, I had nothing to give a relationship, and I had unresolved issues I felt needed to be taken care of before even thinking about meeting someone.  Some things just should not be placed on another persons shoulders, and I had many to deal with.

Well, they’re dealt with.  Done.  Finished.

No more excuses.

It’s almost as scary as the issues themselves were!

Then there is the fact that I’m not every mans “cup of tea.”  I’m well aware of this.  I tend to be a girly-girl… note the decor of my site?

I spent years with a man who constantly told me I was too “frou-frou.”  Or too blond; or too trendy; or too… whatever.

Unfortunately, for some reason still unknown to me– I loved this guy.  He is a big part of the reason I’ve stayed single for so long.

Now, don’t get me wrong– I’m not playing the victim here, although I confess I may have done at one time.  

I’ve worked very hard to “grow up” and that baggage has been sorted through and neatly packed away.  I take full responsibility– I chose him, I chose to stay, and truthfully, all was not bad.  There were a lot of good times, and I changed as a result of knowing him.  Most of the changes were positive, some not so… but I did make a decision, and I’m sticking to it.

I am what I am.

Feminine, frou-frou, girly– whatever you want to call it, this is me.  Never again will I try to change my core being to please a guy.  So I’m not offended when one says, “Sorry, you’re not my type.”

But here’s the other side of the coin: how do I politely (and with sensitivity) tell a man he’s not my cup of tea?

I received an e-mail from a man who seems like a very nice human being.  His e-mail was polite, respectful and kind.  He seems to have his life together.  He attached a picture with said e-mail, and although by no means is he unattractive, he’s just not my type.  His head is shaved and one arm is completely covered with a tattoo.

Now, I have a girlfriend who would love this guy, but I like a more clean-cut look. 

So my dilemma is, how to walk that fine line?  There are many unkind people out there, and I never want to be one of them, either consciously or unconsciously.  I just don’t know how to say thanks, but no thanks.

Any feedback would be most welcome on this issue!

Cheers,

Cydni

Man, dating is tough!

I had forgotten just how tough… now I remember how Saturday night theater with the girls became such a big part of my life.

So what is it, exactly, that most of us are looking for?  Assuming we’re single, of course.

I’ve used the phrase indescribable something quite often lately.  And it is indescribable, that spark that ignites on rare occasions.  I’ve had it a few times in my life– once with an ex; once with a handsome business man (yes, in a suit) on a long-distance flight; and once with a married co-worker who was on the brink of divorce.  And no, I did not act on that one.  But the spark was still there none-the-less.

For those of us seeking elements in a relationship that polite society would be shocked at, how do we go about leveling the playing field, so to speak?

I know it’s difficult for me to articulate to a man that I not only like to be spanked, I crave it. I’ve yet to hook up with a guy who really got that.  My ex was shocked when (after several years together) during late night pillow talk, I let something small slip, which he was sharp enough to pick up on.  When he finally got it out of me, he was turned on… but never really took things to the level I desired.

I can only imagine how a man might feel, coming out to a vanilla partner.  Will she think I’m abusive?  A bully?  A secret misogynist?

The internet has certainly made it much easier to put it all out there.

Maybe too easy.

I’ve had a ton of “hey baby, you need a spanking” type e-mails in the last few days.

Delete.

Sorry, but I was pretty clear and direct in what I’m looking for.  (Whether I’ll ever find it remains to be seen.)

Then of course, there are the risks associated with putting yourself so out there.  I guard this aspect of my life very carefully.  I would be mortified if my friends or family ever found out.  Some of my close friends know I write, but not what, exactly.  I’ve told them I will take my pen name to my grave, and I mean it.  I will never reveal to them the name of the site I write for (pretty self-explanatory, don’t ya think?) and I will never let them read anything that I have written.  They think I’m writing mild erotica, which is really quite funny, considering most of my stories don’t even contain sex scenes.  My family, although they are aware I do “normal” writing, have no idea I have ever published anything else.

For me to open up is a difficult thing.  I would love to find a like-minded partner, I really would, but I’m just not cut out for the singles scene.

So where to go from here?  Truthfully, I’m not sure.  I’ve considered posting a profile on one of the DD forums, but in all honesty, I know a true DD relationship would never work for me.  I’ve been independent for far too long.

I certainly have a lot of thinking to do, don’t I?

I’m sure I can’t be the only one facing this particular dilemma and I’d welcome any thoughts or comments…

Well, it’s been an incredibly long time since I’ve posted anything here. I’ve neglected my blog terribly, and I apologize. But in my defence, it’s been a rough couple of months, and I’m just getting back on my feet.

My mom passed away in June. Although she had been sick most of the month of May, her death was still unexpected and came as quite a shock. But then, death is always a shock, even when you are somewhat prepared for it.

As if that were not enough, August marks the one year passing of my young niece. She died of cancer at only four years old, and truthfully, I believe my mother just wanted to join her.

So, hopefully you all will forgive me for checking out for a while.

On a lighter note, some fun news. For some time now I have been submitting/selling stories to a site called Discipline and Desire. Although they buy my stories when I submit them, they are usually not published right away. Well, finally some are showing up, and that’s very exciting! If you don’t mind a small membership fee, check them out. They offer quite a variety, as well as several free chapters to peruse.

And in other news… I finally decided it was time to get back out there! You see, yours truly has been single for some time now, and hates to date. But you know what? A man is not going to drop through my ceiling, so…

Anyway, the world of online dating is interesting indeed. And a touch scary… and a touch repulsive! Now, we are all here because we harbor a fetish that some would find weird/repulsive/freaky… whatever. But I’m amazed at what goes on out there in the big wide world! Now, don’t get me wrong, obviously I’m not a prude. But I guess I am somewhat old-fashioned. Or maybe I’m just old. Could be both, I guess.

I have met a few nice men, I have to say. There are definitely possibilities, which is cool. But guys–if there are any of you reading here– please, when a woman takes the trouble to put up a detailed post, read it before replying! That’s all I’m saying…

Anyway, cheers to all. I’ll try and be more diligent about upkeep from now on.

Thanks for stopping by,

Cydni