On Submission…
March 28, 2008
Continuing the theme of my last post, payoffs…
I’ve often wondered what it would take to get me to submit to a man. Really submit. I’ve finally decided it would take one heck of a guy.
Now, I know no one is perfect. But if I’m going to be submissive, there has to be a payoff, right?
The last few years have been tough; emotionally, financially, spiritually. It would be wonderful to have a strong shoulder to lean on. Someone to count on. And yes, even someone to hold me accountable when I just can’t seem but to screw up.
But for me to give over that kind of control, this guy would have to be strong. And gentle. And willing to take care of me. And capable of disciplining me when it was needed.
That (and great sex after the discipline) would be my payoff.
But here’s the deal: I can’t help but wonder if all this would just put too much pressure on a guy? Where do we draw the line as to our wants and needs? And is this why fiction is so much a part of many a woman’s life? Is this why we create our own heroes, because no real man could ever possibly fill such huge shoes?
I personally am guilty of having a pretty rich fantasy life. The escapism it provides allows me to cope. But I wonder if this is part of why I’ve stayed single for so long? Am I so content living in the world I create, that I’m neglecting the real world that I could be living in?
It would be interesting to hear from some of you out there… Comments and musings are most welcome.
And just to add a shameless plug, my story The Gift is my fantasy account of the life I dream of, although the punishments are much harsher than anything I actually want to experience…
Just in case any men happen to be reading this post, the scenes are fiction and a teeny bit overboard, so don’t get any ideas!
Spanking As Erotica
March 25, 2008
I have often read on various forums the debate over whether spanking is erotic. I think most of us would agree there is an erotic element, otherwise why would we do it?
Everything we do has a payoff. Truthfully, I don’t desire to live out the more severe scenes that I write in my stories. But I do enjoy watching those types of scenes on screen. And if I’m completely honest, I would like to find a man who would challenge my limits.
I remember reading a post on a forum called Taken In Hand, where a woman said that her husband punished her about once a year, maybe twice. She wrote that he used a thick leather strap, “and it hurts terribly. I don’t find it in the least erotic, but he’s the HOH, so I feel I don’t have any choice but to submit to it.”
Now where is her payoff? I’m sure I don’t know, having never walked in her shoes. But I do know, that would never work for me.
I am not a submissive woman– not in the least– and yet, I would like a guy to push my buttons. Maybe it comes from a troubled childhood, having a father, but not really having a father.
Maybe it would make me feel protected. Or helpless. Or accountable. I really don’t know why, but it is totally erotic for me.
Unfortunately, I’ve always had vanilla men that I’ve tried to coax into being kinky. And succeeded with some small success.
I remember very clearly having a knock-down, drag-out fight with my ex-fiance one night. Now, mind you, I rarely fight. I’ll usually do just about anything to avoid confrontation. But this particular evening, I’d had enough and I said some things that– although true– were not very nice. And they were hurtful.
Later, after we had made peace, (sort-of) we made love. Angry, I’m really still mad, but I love you, so… I’m sure most of us have had this type of sex at one time or another, and it’s usually hot. And it was for us that night. And it was the one time I knew he really wanted to let go and really spank me, instead of spanking me just for foreplay.
To this day, I wish he would have.
Would it have made a difference in the turn-out of our relationship?
Who knows?
But it would have made a great spanking memory!
By the way, the memory mentioned here is my muse for a new story I’m working on…
Goodbye, my friend…
March 23, 2008
I lost my cat this week.
Now, I know many people aren’t pet people, and it’s hard for them to relate to those of us who are. And I get how overboard some folks are toward their pets.
I am a city girl; I consider myself strong and independent. But single life in the city isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and life can get very lonely. In those instances, pets fill a void in a way that its hard to understand if you are fortunate enough to be blessed with a spouse and/or children.
My little guy was my buddy. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. I feel a grief that is hard to explain, a void that is so consuming I just want to scream, but… well, city life, right?
It might be hard to articulate to my neighbors that I’m grieving my cat, and no, thanks, you don’t need to call the police… I’m sure some of you out there that actively engage in the spanking lifestyle can relate to the whole thin walls dilemma, right?
Anyway, I’m finding it difficult to be interested in much of anything at the moment. Truthfully, I just want to sleep.
But on a positive note, there are new stories coming soon, and from authors other than myself, so I’m happy about that.
Thanks for stopping by, and look for the new stories soon.
Cydni
It’s been a long month…
March 14, 2008
Well, it’s been an entire month since I’ve blogged. The last four weeks featured a move that came straight from hell, the start of a new job, and my precious kitty has been very sick.
In the midst of all the chaos, there has been neither time or energy for anything fun. But low and behold, today my interest was piqued. I am an outside sales rep and my territory is in Los Angeles. As I was driving down Santa Monica Blvd. (which is a main artery running through LA) I saw an advertisement for a rock band on a bus bench. Discipline, it read.
Suddenly, I realized how much I was missing my fantasy world. The escapism that it provides. That feeling of life could be like this, if only I made the effort.
I really miss writing. Unfortunately, for a while there won’t be time to write. I need to settle into my new job, get past the learning curve. And when I do write, I love to become immersed in my characters. That takes concentration; concentration that I just don’t have at the moment.
But I do intend to make time for this site. I want to see it grow, I want to enjoy the growing pains.
And I can’t wait to get started!
